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This is who I am. Nobody said you had to like it.

The devil whispered in my ear, ‘You’re not strong enough to withstand the storm.’ Today I whispered in the devil’s ear, ‘I am the storm.’

Old? Me? Oh no! I am in the prime of my life. I’m somewhere between the young & restless and the old & senseless.”

Someone just called me normal. I have never been so insulted in my entire life.

When you meet me, you think I’m quiet. When you talk to me, you wish I was quiet. When you know me, you get scared when I’m quiet.

Oh Lord, please keep all the stupid people from breeding. We’re getting badly outnumbered down here.

No one is harder on me than me, so take your judgement and shove it up your ass.

Never push a loyal person to the point where they no longer care.

Don’t try to reach my limit. The nicest people are also the scariest people when they’ve had enough.

Listen to the wind, it talks. Listen to the silence, it speaks. Listen to your heart, it knows.

Old people don’t need tears when we die. We want hugs, love, laughter and care while still alive.

In order to insult me, I must first value your opinion. Nice try though.

The devil whispered in my ear: “You’re not strong enough to withstand the storm.” Today I whispered in the devil’s ear: “I am the storm.”

I actually don't need to control my anger every around me

Getting old is weird because you're still that same enthusiastic kid trapped in an old wrinkled body.

I'm 97% sure you don't like me, but I'm 100% sure I don't care.

I'm going to be very busy in the afterlife. The list of people I plan to haunt gets bigger every day.

I'm not jealous, I'm territorial. Jealous is when you want something that's not yours. Territorial is protecting what's already yours.

There’s nothing i can’t do except reach the top shelf i can’t do that

If you kick me when I'm down, you better pray I don't get up.

I got about 5 personalities. You're gonna get whichever wakes up first.

Old people don't need tears when we die. We want hugs, love, laughter and care while still alive.

Being normal? I just can't imagine. How awful that must be!

My Five Moods

In our family we don’t try to hide the crazy. We pass it down from generation to generation.

Sorry I am cranky. I'm going through my terrible 60's right now.

Some people aren’t just missing a screw. The whole toolbox is gone.

Don’t judge women by pounds, and you won’t be judged by inches.

My body knows how old I am, but my mind refuses to believe it.

If you think I’m grouchy, you’re right. If you think I’m bossy, correct again. But if you think I’m gonna put up with your crap, you got it twisted.

Good women do still exist, but our stomachs ain’t flat and we talk back.

A good place to put your opinions is up your ass.

4 Levels of crazy

Be my sister by blood, my best friend may not, but she’s. My sister by heart.

After you turn 50 years old, you can’t recognize letters up close but can recognize idiots from far away.

I try to contain my crazy, but the lid keeps popping off.