Quotes Funny (1216 Designs)

Sometimes I sit quietly and wonder why I’m not in a mental asylum. Then I take a good look around at everyone and realize... maybe I am.

Back in my day I played outside, not online. Parents called my name, not my cell phone. And if I didn’t eat what mom cooked, I didn’t eat. I know I’m old.

Men lie so much I’m starting to believe that Adam bit the apple, blamed it on Eve. That’s why the Adam’s apple is stuck in their throat.

Maybe I was raised wrong, but I was taught if you wanted something, you work for it.

Sometimes I sit quietly... and wonder why I’m not in a mental asylum. Then I take a good look around at everyone and realize... maybe I am.

I don’t care how old I get. If I’m in a and see a toy with “try me” on it, I’m pushing those buttons.

Sometimes I get road rage walking behind people in the grocery .

I’m not clumsy. The floor just hates me. The table and chairs are bullies and the walls get in my way.

Back in my day kids didn’t talk back to their parents because they had a mom with a wooden spoon and a dad that wore a belt.

Some people need to open their small minds instead of their big mouths.

Skilled workers are hard to find that's why idiots are promoted to management

As i have grown older i've learned that pleasing everyone is impossible but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake

I'm not old i can still remember my childhood phone number but can't remember the password i created yesterday

I would like to apologize to anyone i have not yet offended please be patient i will get to you shortly

Sometimes i gotta feed people some bullcrap just to see who they run back and tell

I am who i am like me, love me take me, leave me know that i'm a true friend to the end and ask for nothing in return except two things: don't hurt or use me

I was taught to think before i act so if i smack the stupidity out of you rest assured i've thought about it and i am confident in my decision

It's so nice when toxic people stop talking to me it's like the trash took itself out

I didn't just turn into a grouchy old woman overnight it took years of people letting me down pissing me off and dealing with idiots to get this good at it

People want me to tiptoe around their feelings while they tap dance all over mine remember i can dance too

This cranky short woman doesn't seek revenge she moves on and let karma do the dirty work

If i woke up and nothing hurt i would think i was dead

If we switched back to cursive and stick shift vehicles we could cripple an entire generation

Retirement rules

Do not give rice krispies to young children i ate them as a youngster now when i stand up i snap, crackle and pop!

Don't piss this old cranky woman off i will put you in the trunk and help people look for you

I've reached an age where my train of thought often leaves the station without me

You will never find another me not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing but it's the truth

Cranky woman with big boobs hated by many loved by plenty heart on her sleeve fire in her soul & a mouth she can't control

One thing i hate more than a liar is a liar that think i'm freaking stupid

Mean people don't bother me a bit mean people who disguise themselves as nice people bother me a lot

I'm a grouchy chubby woman if you don't want a sarcastic answer then don't ask a stupid question

Funny thing about getting older my eyesight starts getting weaker but my ability to see through people's crap gets much better

Yes my dark little heart skips a happy beat when i see karma catch up to somebody who deserves it

Just because i said i know how to behave doesn't mean i'm going to

Happiness is being an aunt.