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Yes, my dark little heart skips a happy beat when I see karma catch up to somebody who deserves it.

People want me to tiptoe around their feelings while they tap dance all over mine. Remember I can dance too.

Don’t piss this old cranky woman off. I will put you in the trunk and help people look for you.

Skilled workers are hard to find, that’s why idiots are promoted to management.

My brain says, “Let’s do something exciting today.” My body says, “Don’t listen to that fool.”

As a short woman, I can be stubborn as a mule, sweet as tea, angry as a hornet, or loyal like a soldier. It all depends on you.

I watch people and wonder how some of them found their way out of the birth canal.

No one needs to be less white, black or brown. Please just focus on being less dumb.

Some people are like a bag of Pampers: self-absorbed & full of crap.

When I was young, I was poor. But after years of hard work, I’m no longer young.

Sometimes my humbleness makes people think they can play with me.

If we switched back to cursive and stick shift vehicles we could cripple an entire generation

Nope, I can’t go to hell Satan has a restraining order against me

I’m not old I can still remember my childhood phone number but can’t remember the password I created yesterday

I don’t like to think before I speak I like to be just as surprised as everyone else by what comes outta my mouth

Cranky woman with big boobs Hated by many Loved by plenty Heart on her sleeve Fire in her soul

One thing I hate more than a liar is a liar that think I’m freakin stupid

I’m pretty sure my guardian angel just sits there watching me as she paints her nails, rolls her eyes and mutters under her breath “How did I get stuck with this one?”

Mean people don’t bother me a bit Mean people who disguise themselves as nice people bother me a lot

Do not give Rice Krispies to young children I ate them as a youngster Now when I stand up

Sometimes I gotta feed people some bullcrap just to see who they run back and tell

I am who I am Like me, love me Take me, leave me Know that I’m a true friend to the end

If you mess with me you better run for your life because my grandpa is coming after you & grandma’s coming with him

My parents spanked me as a child. As a result, I now suffer from a psychological condition known as respect for others.

I’ve been called rebellious, wrong, a black sheep, different... because I refuse to be what everyone else is. I stand by my beliefs.

Sorry I hurt your feelings when I called you stupid. I thought you knew.

I didn’t just turn into a grouchy person overnight. It took years of people letting me down, pissing me off and dealing with idiots to get this good at it.

When I was young, I pitied the old. Now old, it is the young I pity.

Growing old is hard work... The mind says “Yes” but the body says “What the hell are you thinking?”

I wonder why we are so obsessed with finding intelligent life on other planets when we can’t even find intelligent life on this planet.

I live in a world where the intelligent must keep quiet so that the stupid will not be offended.

You call it OCD. I call it put the freaking thing back where it belongs.

1. Be strong but not rude. Be kind but not weak. Be humble but not shy. Be proud but not arrogant.

I don’t care how old I get, if I’m in a and see a toy with “Try Me” on it, I’m pushing those buttons.

After gossiping about me, please pray for me. I want to be perfect like you.

Short girls look so sweet & cute until you piss us off. Then we are like a chipmunk with rabies.