Funny Sayings (949)

If You Can't See My Mirrors I can't see you Give Me Room

Want To Go for a Car Ride Best Words Ever

Doorbell On TV my dog Falls For It Every Single Time

A Closed Door is a Personal Insult To My Cat

My Cat Stares at An Empty Wall Now I'm Scared Too

Family Came For Thanksgiving but first they asked for The Wi-Fi Password

The Turkey Is Fine but The Stuffing Is The Real Star

Matching Pajamas forty tries and Nobody Smiled At The Same Time

Professional Purse Holder while my wife Shops

My Husband Hears one tiny Noise In The Car And Cancels All Our Plans

Kickstand Up Worries Down see you Down The Road

Don't Open the Butter Tub Those Are My Worms

Shift Starts With A Perfect Bun and ends with A Bird's Nest

Teacher Treasure Glue Sticks guarded Like Gold

Trucker Victory finding a Parking Spot After 9 PM

Merging Is A Team Sport please Join The Team

My Dog's Arch Enemy is the Vacuum Cleaner

One Head Tilt from my dog And I Forget What I Was Mad About

Just One More Throw said my dog Three Hundred Throws Ago

Fresh Laundry out of the dryer Is My Cat's New Bed

Thanksgiving Seating Chart took more Planning Than My Wedding

Undefeated Ugly Sweater champion Three Years Running

My Husband Bought A New Tool for a job that Took Ten Seconds

My Husband watches Three Shows At The Same Time

Forty Degrees Out and I still Took The Bike My Fingers Disagree

My Wife Thinks I Own Two Rods let's keep It That Way

My Signature Scent is Hand Sanitizer And Hospital Coffee

Teacher Voice works on Thirty Kids And My Husband

Answered The Same Question eleven times Before 8:30 AM

Thousands Of Miles and the best one is The Last Mile Home

Head Of Security inspects Every Grocery Bag Before It's Unpacked

Bath Time my dog acts like It's The End Of The World

Keeps Eye Contact while pushing My Mug Off The Table

My Cat Ignores Her Name but hears The Can Opener Instantly

"I'm Not Asleep" he's just Resting His Eyes And Snoring Loudly

My Husband Knows Which Neighbor still has Every Tool He Lent Out