Trending Funny Quotes & Family Apparel

Hold my halo i’m about to do unto others as they have done unto me

i never dreamed i'd grow up to be a super cool dad of a freakin' awesome daughter but here i am living the dream

I MAY NOT BE ** RICH ** AND FAMOUS BUT I DO HAVE AN AWESOME DAUGHTER SHE IS SMARTASS AND IS SOMETIMES UNBELIEVABLY STUBBORN BUT THAT'S TOTALLY FINE...

I HAVE THE BEST WIFE IN THE WORLD BUT SHE'S A BIT CRAZY AND SCARES ME -SOMETIMES

WALK AWAY ATHISA GRUMPY OLD MAN HAS ANGER ISSUES AND A SERIOUS DISLIKE STUPID PEOPLE FOR

SMARTASS DAUGHTER HATED BY MANY WANTED BY PLENTY DISLIKED BY SOME CONFRONTED BY NONE

I MAY SEEM CALM & RESERVED BUT IF YOU MESS WITH MY GRANDKID WILL BREAK DAFT LEVEL OF CRAZINESS THAT WILL MAKE YOUR NIGHTMARES-SEEM LIKE A HAPPY PLACE

I NEVER DREAMED I Would Be A SUPER COOL AUNT BUT HERE I AM KILLING IT

MY SMART MOUTH ALWAYS GETS ME IN Trouble-AND IF IT'S NOT MY MOUTH It's my FACIAL EXPRESSIONS

I'M SORRY I SLAPPED YOU BUT YOU DIDNT SEEM LIKE YOU WOULD EVER STOP TALKING AND I PANICKED

WHEN YOU MEET ME You YOU THINK II'M QUIETA WHEN YOU TALK TO ME YOU WISH I WAS QUIET, WHEN YOU KNOW ME VOU GET ISCARED WHEN I'M QUIET

i have a smartass daughter just like a normal daughter except much cooler

i’m a grumpy old man my level of sarcasm depends on your level of stupidity

I’m not clumsy! It’s just the floor hates me, the tables and chairs are bullies, and the wall gets in my way!

I’m not clumsy. I did not trip and fall. I attacked the floor, and I believe I am winning.

I am a strong woman because a strong woman raised me.

I’m not clumsy. I did not trip and fall. I attacked the floor, and I believe I am winning.

Aging may have slowed me down, but it is yet to shut me up.

Better worry about your own sins because God ain’t gonna ask you about mine.

Back off. I’ve got enough to deal with today without having to make your death look like an accident.

I annoy stupid people, and you are looking a bit upset right now.

I'd like to thank my middle finger for always sticking up for me when i need it.

I watch people and wonder how some of them found their way out of the birth canal!

When i was a kid they didn't take me to a psychologist. my mom was able to open my chakra, stabilize my karma and clean my aura with one single slap

As a kid i think i ate too many rice krispies. now all my body does is snap crackle and pop

I can not be held responsible for what my face does when you talk!

Grandma knows everything. if she doesn't know, she makes stuff up really fast.

My favorite winter activity is going back inside where it is warm

I am proud of the woman i am today because i went through one hell of a time becoming her

I never called you stupid, but when i asked you how you spelled mississippi and you asked if i was talking about the river or the state it just kind of caught me off guard

Wearing all black today to mourn the loss of my motivation

introverts unite. we're here. we're uncomfortable and we want to go home.

i'm the proud son of a freaking awesome mom and yes she bought me this shirt.

i don't care what anyone says. i got tired of being good to ungrateful people.

my goal is to be that old person that everyone is afraid to take out in public

maybe i was raised wrong but i was taught if you wanted something you work for it.