Funny Sayings (677)

My retirement plan wake up drink coffee Fix Things That Aren't Broken

With age comes wisdom and Bad Knees and zero Patience

Thirty years of marriage taught me Two Words Yes Dear

My husband can build Anything except An Apology

I don't need therapy I just need My Garage And Silence

Lie to me once and I'll remember it Forever With Dates

Don't mess with Old Guys we didn't get this old by Being Nice

in this house the remote belongs to the Husband the TV belongs to The Wife

Behind every good man is a woman Rolling Her Eyes So Hard

my morning routine coffee three pills and a Bad Mood Till Noon

all I need is my truck my dog and a wife who Lets Me Keep Both

I married My Best Friend now I'm stuck with Him Forever and I'd do it Again

You can't scare me I have a Grandpa with a bad back A Good Aim And Time

My husband helps around the house he lifts his feet When I Vacuum

I'm a sweet wife with a side of Salty Attitude

Old man Weather Report it's hot it's cold my knees hurt Get Off My Porch

Proud husband of a Freakin' Awesome Wife yes she bought me This Shirt

If I can't fix it with Duct Tape it's not Broken Enough

Grandparents are just parents who finally Stopped Caring

I'm the wife I keep this family Organized and quietly Unhinged

I'm a Grumpy Old Man my sarcasm comes free but my patience Costs Extra

I'm not old I'm a Classic still running on Original Parts

Husband part time Lawn Mower full time Nap Taker

I don't nag I just Remind you Repeatedly Lovingly

I'm at the age where I Don't Care and the age where I Say It Out Loud

I still lift weights it's called Getting Up Off The Couch

my husband yells at the TV like the players Can Hear Him Every Sunday

If I text you and you don't answer I Will Assume You're Dead

We're a Crazy Old Couple he's grumpy I'm moody Perfect Match

I'm the Grandson of a woman who Survived Everything you are Not A Problem

sweet smart spoiled and backed by A Crazy Grandma Choose Wisely

my husband can grill Anything except a Salad

Not A Morning Person not an Afternoon Person basically just A Nap Person

He's the Boss of this house I'm the Boss Of Him

Retired man I'm busier now than when I Got Paid For It

proud member of the Old Fart Club we meet early Leave Early