Funny Sayings (1697)

Back off, I’ve got enough to deal with today without having to make your death look like an accident.

I annoy stupid people and you are looking a bit upset right now.

Better worry about your own sins because God ain’t gonna ask you about mine.

Aging may have slowed me down, but it is yet to shut me up.

I’m not clumsy. I did not trip and fall. I attacked the floor and I believe I am winning.

Some grandmas cuss and will kick your ass if you mess with their grandkids. It’s me. I’m some grandmas.

Nope, I can’t go to Hell. Satan still has a restraining order against me.

Thinking I’m just a spoiled child was your first mistake. I’m a spoiled grandson of a crazy grandma. She is also a grumpy old woman.

Sorry, I am already taken by a sexy & crazy girl. She’s stubborn, messy & a brat at times. She’s clumsy, loud & a bit silly sometimes.

Smartass daughter. Hated by many, loved by plenty. Heart on her sleeve, fire in her soul & a mouth she can’t control.

You can’t scare me. I have a crazy grandma. She is also a grumpy old woman. She has anger issues and a serious dislike for stupid people, but she treats me like a prince.

Thinking I’m just a spoiled child was your first mistake. I’m a spoiled granddaughter of a crazy grandpa. He is also a grumpy old man.

My best friend may not be my sister by blood, but she’s my sister by heart.

I'M A GRUMPY OLD LADY IF YOU DON'T WANT A SARCASTIC ANSWER DON'T ASK A STUPID QUESTION

I AM A GRUMPY WOMAN I AM WHO I AM I HAVE ANGER ISSUES, THIN PATIENCE DO NOT PLAY WELL WITH STUPID PEOPLE AND CUSS TOO MUCH I AM LIVING MY BEST LIFE YOUR APPROVAL ISN'T NEEDED

I'M A GRUMPY OLD LADY IF YOU DON'T WANT A SARCASTIC ANSWER DON'T ASK A STUPID QUESTION

Sarcasm because torturing becalise torturing basement is frowned lipon

MY SPIRIT ANIMAL IS A GRUMPY OTTER WHO SLAPS ANNOYING PEOPLE

Sarcasm now loading 79% .....Please wait

Yes, I am a spoiled granddaughter But not yours I am the treasure of an awesome grandpa Yes, I love sarcasm & smartass But he loves me and treats me like a princess You'd better not hurt me

Sorry, I'm a spoiled husband but not yours. I am the property of a freaking awesome grumpy old wife.

Yes, I am a spoiled grandson but not yours. I am the property of a freaking awesome grumpy old grandma.

Short girls look so sweet & cute until you piss them off... then they're like a chipmunk with rabies

I hate being sexy but i’m a chubby bearded man so i can’t help it

When mom says “no,” ask grandma! When grandma says “no,” call in the boss. That’s right... great grandma. Great grandma’s rule.

Don’t tell me I haven’t got balls. I just happen to wear mine on my chest & I can guarantee they’re a lot bigger than yours.

It was a lot more fun being 20 in the 70s than it is being 70 in the 20s

It's weird being the same age as old people.

You're about one smart-ass comment away from being my co-star on an episode of Snapped.

When Mom says “no,” ask Grandma. When Grandma says “no,” call in the boss. That’s right… Great-Grandma. Great-Grandma’s rule.

I’m putting myself in timeout until I can play nice this may take a while because stupid people are everywhere

There’s nothing I can’t do except reach the top shelf. I can’t do that.

29Lead me not into temptation. Oh, who am I kidding? Follow me. I know a shortcut.

Just before I die, I am going to swallow a bag of popcorn kernels. My cremation is going to be epic.

Some of you came from the “If you stop crying, I’ll buy you something” generation. We came from the generation “If you don’t stop crying, I’ll give you something to cry about.” We are not the same.

It takes real skill to choke on air, fall up stairs & trip over completely nothing. I have that skill.