Funny Sayings (1020)

Smartass mom hated by many loved by plenty heart on her sleeve fire in her soul & a mouth she can't control

Walk away. This grumpy grandpa has anger issues and a serious dislike for stupid people.

I asked god for a partner in crime he sent me my smartass daughter

Thinking i'm just a spoiled child was your first mistake i'm a spoiled grandson of a crazy grandma she is also a grumpy old woman

You can’t scare me i have a crazy grandma she is also a grumpy old woman she has anger issues & a serious dislike for stupid people

I’m a lucky granddaughter i have a crazy grandma she is also a grumpy old woman but she has ears that always listen arms that hug & hold love that’s never ending and a heart that’s made of gold if you mess with me they’ll never find your body

5 things you should know about smartass daughter

5 things you should know about my smartass daughter

Don’t tell me I haven’t got balls. I just happen to wear mine on my chest & I can guarantee they’re a lot bigger than yours.

When mom says ‘no’ Ask grandma When grandma says ‘no’ Call in the boss That’s right... great grandma Great grandma’s rule

5 things you should know about my smartass daughter:

Just because I said “I know how to behave” doesn’t mean I’m going to.

I’m pretty sure my guardian angel just sits there watching me as she paints her nails, rolls her eyes and mutters under her breath “How did I get stuck with this one?”

If we switched back to cursive and stick shift vehicles, we could cripple an entire generation.

Don't get me started, b!tch. I don't come with brakes.

I avoid people because my temper can go from 0 to life in prison in 2 seconds.

Dear algebra, please stop asking us to find your X. She is never coming back and don't ask Y.

Anybody else have a voice in their head that repeats “slap the idiot! slap the idiot!” no? just me? hmm... odd

I always thought my mom was crazy and now i realize it was me. i'm the one that drove her crazy. i totally get it now

I’m a mom grandma and a great grandma nothing scares me

Having a vagina doesn’t stop me from believing that my balls are bigger than yours

Sometimes i sit quietly & wonder why i'm not in a mental asylum then i take a good look around at everyone and realize.. maybe i am

I'm a cranky short girl if you don't want a sarcastic answer don't ask a stupid question

Don't worry about getting older you're still gonna do dumb stuff only slower

I'd walk through fire for you, sister. Well, not fire, that would be dangerous. But a super humid room. But not too humid. Because you know... my hair.

I have red hair because God knew I needed a warning label.

Grandpa knows everything. If he doesn't know, he makes stuff up really fast.

Warning! This girl is protected by the good Lord and a crazy Nana.

Someone just called me normal I have never been so insulted in my entire life

I’m not old I woke up I lifted my arms I moved my knees I turned my neck Everything made the same noise Crrr aaacckkk!

I am putting myself in timeout until I can play nice with others this may take a while because stupid people are everywhere

Once I start smiling in an argument, go ahead and call the police on me. You’ll need them.

I don’t know when exactly that UFO landed and dumped all these stupid people, but they apparently are not coming back for them.

I know I’m in trouble when the voices in my head start a group chat.

I may not have been my mother’s favorite child, but I was the first one she thought of whenever the police turned up.

Just before I die, I am going to swallow a bag of popcorn kernels. My cremation is going to be epic.